One would not normally think that a person could give advice on why intimate relationships are a bad idea at work unless they’ve had experience, right? Well, you’re wrong. I haven’t personally been involved with a co-worker, but I’ve been the therapist to those that have. Before you let those dreamy eyes with the “come-hither” look, that seductive smile and the breathy voice telling you everything you think you want to hear, seduce you into a regrettable and possibly embarrassing situation, you may want to read a little further.
Getting involved with your boss/supervisor - good idea? Absolutely not. No matter where you think it will take you professionally, usually the only place it takes you is on the tongues of your co-workers as the office gossip. I have had 3 work friends at my current job sleep with the same man…..their boss. All three girls were fooled by his charm and thought they were “the one”. Only I knew the truth and it was not good. He had no respect for them and had no feelings for them other than sexual. They were not furthered in their career and 2 of them even lost their jobs. Both of those girls ended up in bad situations and left on bad terms from their jobs, but not from news of the relationship. You see, that was all kept hidden, at least from the ones that mattered to “the boss”. He was never found out and still has his job and his good name to those in charge. It was the girls who had their credibility questioned.
Girl #1: Let’s call her Mary. She was a self-conscious 24 year old who was going through a rough time in her marriage and sought out the attention of someone she thought was into her for her “inner goodness”. Please. What really happened was that “Boss” found out Mary’s weakness and pounced on it. He told her everything she wanted to hear and gave her what she needed but wasn’t getting from her husband. Not to say that Mary was innocent in this situation. She had her own set of problems and went into this full-force, but still, she was a victim in this relationship. In the end, Mary was pretty much the laughing stock of the office, went a little nuts - seriously, took personal leave and was eventually fired with the entire office knowing everything that “Boss” wanted them to know and nothing he didn’t. In the end, he came out smelling like a rose.
Girl #2: Let’s call her Beth. Beth seemed to have it all. She was a striking beauty, a fashion plate and surprisingly very easy to talk to. Below the surface, and what “Boss” seemed to catch onto when no one else did, she was a seriously self-conscious woman who questioned everything, and I mean everything that she did. She had to get approval from friends and family just to make sure that what she chose or was going to choose for lunch, was okay. So “Boss” made his move and again told her the things she wanted to hear, gave her the things she needed and to Beth, life was good. Until “Boss” started getting tired of the same-ol, same-ol and began to move on. This in turn led to a similar situation as Mary, although not quite as public. He made her look crazy to his friends and co-workers and in the end, she was also fired. Once again, “Boss” was smelling even sweeter.
Girl #3: Let’s call her Susan. Susan was a bright, bouncy 20-something girl who the minute she was hired, “Boss” was scoping her out. Poor girl never had a chance. She was also going through a rough spot in her marriage and actually was working on a divorce. “Boss” saw his chance, felt her emotions out, got to know her and “befriended” her. He turned on his charm, was his oh so cool self and even dated Susan’s friend. Susan actually introduced them even though she was quite interested in “Boss” and in a genuine way. Once again, poor Susan. She never saw what hit her. “Boss” knew her feelings even though she hadn’t vocalized them, used her friend as a way to get close to Susan and then when things didn’t work out between her friend and him, he confided in Susan about the relationship with her friend and used that time to get closer to her. So, the story goes that “Boss” told her what she wanted to hear and gave her what she needed. Susan continues to work at this job, as he still has her on tap for whenever he chooses. She holds out hope that it will evolve, but she is a joke to him. Little does she know, at least 3 people at work know intimate details of their relations and know exactly what he thinks of her. FYI, it’s not good.
So this brings me to the point. Work relations are NEVER a good idea. Not only does it jeopardize your job and credibility at work, but most importantly it demoralizes your character. None of the girls that I have mentioned have gotten anything good out of this experience. Severe heartache, many sleepless nights, fear of coming into work and being found out, fired from their jobs and extreme regret. In some instances, a short stay at a clinic. Yes, one was checked into an institution for the emotional havoc this relationship put on her. Even though “Boss” is still working with the same company and he has been promoted to the manager of the branch, even though he has quite a following (male, I might add), that thinks he is the brains of this branch, I still hold out hope and truly believe that what goes around comes around. He will get his just desserts. I just hope I’m there to see it.